Realm News – Volume 4, Issue 6

realmnewsbanner4-6The PaxLair Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – November 18, 2013 – by Ashlynn – While rummaging through a few old crates in the back of a store room at the Shrine of Sobriety I came across a curious thing. An old coupon – at least ten years old – for a barber’s establishment in the City of Britain named the Cruelest Cut. It occurred to me that perhaps there was more honesty back then – at least in regard to the horrors that have been inflicted in the name of Sosarian hairstyles.

Vesper Governor’s Office Destroyed

20131118ivysruinedhouseGovernor Ivy of Vesper returned to her office last week only to find that it had been reduced to a pile of shattered brick and broken timbers. Further investigation of the scene revealed over a dozen spent shot presumably fired from a culverin or similar ship-based weapon.

The vessel responsible was soon found moored nearby however it seems the captain of the “Bloody Hand of Fate” was absent along with all but one of the crew. As to why the ship’s captain would destroy the office it is currently unknown. The Governor has speculated that it may be related to the murderer Regina Storm who is currently in custody.

Fortunately the Governor recently had a replacement office built by the Royal Architects and will continue to conduct the business of running a busy privateer port from the new building. It must be stated that the timing of the attack does make one wonder if anyone is profiting from its destruction.

“Cui bono?” as they say.

Tide Turns Against Minax Troops

Citizens across the Kingdom have risen up in defence of the realm to fight back against Minax forces currently raiding major towns and cities. Hundreds of her minions have now fallen before a volunteer force that is exceptionally well equipped and well organised. Her wretched captains have been slain and her beacons torn down.

But the motive for the attacks is still unclear and although it is believed to be related to the recent immortality shard theft, the raids continue. This mystery has not deterred the City Governors however who have sworn to maintain a valiant defence and eventually bring the fight to Minax.

Moonglow Magicians Create Pink Bananas

20131118bananasWhile sporadic fighting rages in the streets the mages of Moonglow have not been idle! Ever intrigued by the nature of various fruit and their colours they have been hard at work manipulating fruit peel in order to see what effect it has on taste and texture. The reasoning behind the experimentation seemed pretty sound as High Mage Lorcan explained to me:

“Well it has long been believed that limes were created when the infamous wizard Mondain was given a bowl of lemons and found their hue displeasing. It is said he used his powers to change the colour of the fruit which in turn changed how it tasted.”

I must agree that seems to make sense. Afterall a lemon is simply a yellow lime with a slightly different taste. Or is that the other way around? I am sadly yet to try one of the new bananas. It would seem the High Mage was concerned about the danger of eating something manipulated by magic born from the texts of a powerful and evil magician.

Talented Tailors Visit Minoc

20131118tailorcompGovernor Victor of Minoc continues his quest to find the best artisans in all the realm whether they be chefs, carpenters, or basketweavers. This past week saw the focus shift to the fine art of the clothier as the most skilled made their way to Minoc from across the kingdom to prove their ability.

The competition was set out in much the same way as the smithing contest with participants given a small amount of material and asked to make the finest garments they could from it. In the end it seemed only one would leave the city with the famous “Golden Needle of Minoc” – a gold sculpture almost as big as a lance! In the end the three greatest tailors of the contest proved to be:

  • Lereia, agent of the PaxLair Reporters
  • Gale of the Code of Honor
  • Nubby Earwiggles of Pitmuck.

After presenting the three fine tailors with their prizes, Governor Victor asked them all to contribute to the uniform of the Captain of the Minoc Guard so that their ability might be seen by all townsfolk and visitors alike.

The Great Yew Yam Robbery

Disturbing news has reached me that a warehouse containing a large shipment of Yams bound for Trinsic has been looted by a well organised group of bandits disguised as the monks of Empath Abbey.

The raid occurred during broad daylight as several wagons were loaded with barrels of yams in full view of the townsfolk who simply believed the monks were permitted to do so. When the owner of the warehouse returned home to Yew later that day he found the building empty all but for dust and the odd rogue yam.

Unfortunately there are as yet no leads to the identity of the thieves or why they would wish to steal the vegetables. Anyone with any information about the robbery should endeavour to contact the Governor of Yew or the local Captain of the Guard.

Necromancer Hunt Leads to Underworld Goblins

Efforts to find a more permanent cure for Earl, husband of the wanted Necromancer Jane, led to the City of Umbra where it was discovered she was a former pupil of Instructor Raseev. After some negotiation with the more eccentric residents, investigations led to the goblins of the Underworld and a number of curious riddles they required answering before giving up the secrets locked away in their tiny little brains.

But the Royal Militia are nothing if not persistent and it came as no surprise that the clues all led to a dungeon – in this case Deceit – and a terrible malformed demon that dripped with poisonous green ichor. Once defeated what was found upon the creature led to where a virulent green rose grew that began to decay as soon as it was plucked.

Though the investigation has ultimately proved successful it would seem the militia will have to move quickly if they are to render the rose into an antidote to combat the sickness Jane has wrought upon her Husband and other potential victims.


Snow storms have rendered several roads impossible this week particularly along the old road from Vesper to Yew. The Royal Guard are urging merchants to make use of the moongates instead though wish to remind everyone that wagons do not fit through.

Apprentice Anna Halmsdottr of Moonglow seeks volunteers to test new fire-proofing potion. Volunteers will be well compensated. Injuries possible.

Early snows are damaging hops and may cause a beer shortage during the spring, we expect prices to increase as much as 5000 gold per barrel.

About Ashlynn

I play with movable type on behalf of the PaxLair Times. I sometimes move the little wooden letters around to create something resembling an article. And I come and go like the wind.
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