PaxLair Catering Press, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – January 19, 2013 – by Icky Rotblossom
The humble and virtuous goblins of Pitmuck Island have prepared this grand dinner in honor of the glorious City of PaxLair and its 15th anniversary!
Enjoy!
APPETIZER & APERITIF
Xenrr’s Sushi:
Delicate morsels of raw mud puppy and thinly sliced turnips (juicy root maggots included). The scrumptious ingredients are nestled in a bed of rice and surrounded with dried seaweed harvested by goblins off the eastern coast of Pitmuck Island. Served with wasabi, its taste is unbeatable!
Pitmuck Deli Delight:
A golden goblet lovingly crafted by Luann Little, a filled with one of Pitmuck’s finest brews.
SOUP
Barreraak’s Borscht:
Served cold, this savory soup recipe is a rare specialty consisting of exotic herbs and generous quantities of finely diced chunks of red herring. Gently simmered for six hours in underworld river water (with just a splash of fire ant goo) and then cooled for a day in a secret goblin “cabe” on Pitmuck Island, this outstanding dish can only be described as Yum!
SALAD
Fruit Bowl:
Expertly tossed together by Icky Rotblossom. These cleverly preserved fruits can be saved for display as an attractive table decoration, or they may be eaten to experience an unusual effect.
[Not to worry… it doesn’t hurt!]
MAIN COURSE
Lacerated Lamb:
Whole legs of lamb split in two. Marinated twelve hours in a mixture of year-old onion juice and ground ginger. Lavishly basted with fermented mushroom spores and essence of slime. A culinary masterpiece created in the kitchen of the Pitmuck Deli and guaranteed to send the fussiest of gourmets into fits of ecstasy.
Assorted Fresh Vegies:
Unbruised and without even a hint of mold. As the goblins say, “Dey bees goos fer yoos!”
Homemade Bread:
Lightly brushed with garlic-butter and sprinkled with finely ground bits of crunchy dried weevils.
DESSERTS
Spicy Compost Cookies:
This cherished treat [from a carefully guarded secret goblin recipe] contains a variety of genuinely organic ingredients harvested from the Pitmuck compost barge. These aromatic delights, freshly baked over a dung fire, are sure to please even the most discriminating taste buds!
Note: Leftover cookie crumbs make a perfect substrate for mushroom farming.
Pitmuck Goblins Ice Creams Cake:
A Chesapeake favourite, originally inspired by Ozog GiantFart’s legendary ice creams recipe. This lovely concoction is composed of multiple layers of delectable goodness absolutely guaranteed to satisfy every Sosarian’s sweet-tooth!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO PAXLAIR!
May we meet again to enjoy the future celebrations, and, of course, more grand Goblin Dinners!
[Editors Note: I do wonder if Icky has been taking cooking tips from the Ogre Cook who lives in Wrong. Infact – the last time I was there I am sure I saw a few of these items on his menu…]