The Press of Vanity, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – August 3, 2012 – by Ashlynn – Your diligent reporter has been busy on other projects lately so here comes a large update on the latest happenings in our serene and wonderful land.
A Night in Prison
Earlier this week a concerned band of Alliance citizens decided to head to the infamous Prison of Wrong. It had been rumoured that since the Juka had left, the place was seeing use as a prison once again, but conditions at the prison were questionable. Inmates were executed for little or no reason, ogres had been hired to prepare terrible maggoty food in the prison kitchens, and the guards were little more than thugs ruling over their own petty domain.
It was clear we had to see for ourselves!
Heading in force, we were immediately informed our presence was not welcome by several troll and lizardman guards. Further inside, we found guards with heavy axes leading packs of hellish dogs overseen by wardens skilled in magery. We also saw the kitchen first hand and what a shocking sight it was! It resembled the goblin cave more than a kitchen and there were clearly many hygiene issues.
After a long encounter with the Prison’s cook, we decided to leave. I only hope the Crown and the officers of the Court of Truth will act promptly to address some of the concerns raised by this article.
Assassin’s Identity Uncovered!
Word has reached me that the mysterious assassin who has caused so much havoc and was responsible for the attack on the Empress of Tokuno (injuring Captain Gwen in the process) is none other than Elise Symeria of Trinsic.
Yes, the very same who spent the evening with us a number of weeks ago. I dread to think how much information she was able to acquire while playing the role of innocent tavern girl.
Elise is extremely dangerous and anyone who encounters her should flee immediately if alone, or at least have some help to fight her off (as she will no doubt slip away if she thinks she is outmatched).
The Scrap-Treasure Challenge
The most recent Solstice Faire was a fun and creative event with one of the more interesting goals I have seen in quite a while. Competitors were divided into two teams – Red and Blue (I would have personally preferred Pink and Yellow) and instructed to slay bands of creatures for the things they carried.
With the pile of resulting “loot”, each team was then instructed to make something – anything out of it. A task which was more difficult than you might think.
In the end, the red team (of which I was a member) decided to construct a magical cannon of some kind. I don’t think it actually worked though. Just stick a few power crystals to a bundle of glacial staves with tree-sap didn’t seem overly effective. One amongst us did manage to construct a metal clockwork mount for the device however.
The blue team built a shrine to a fallen warrior with his body and treasures on display.
Still the event was an interesting one and great fun was had by all! And we even got to keep the staves.
Guardians of the Sea
Several days ago members of the alliance aided the noble folk of Guardian’s Gate in turning Charybdis back from the waters near their city. It seemed that the beast had awoken once again and she was plaguing the seas, attacking passing merchant ships with her many tentacles and devouring the crews before they could escape.
Having had past experience fighting Charybdis, we were delighted to help. The endeavour was a painful one however.
Sailing out in a formation of two medium vessels and one large galleon, we found her not too far from the coast and lured her up using a magical artifact – the oracle of the sea. Charybdis soon appeared and immediately began her attack with tentacles and huge sea waves. In the ensuring chaos, she crippled two vessels and injured many of us. But we were determined to drive her back into the depths and eventually she fell to cannon shot, spell and arrow.
I suspect it will be a while before she dares raid coastal shipping near Guardian’s Gate again.
The Goblin Population
The number of goblins making their home on Pitmuck island has been steadily increasing in recent months causing the residents of the other islands nearby to lodge a complaint with the Royal Council about the smell that has been drifting upon the wind and over their houses.
I urge any visitors to pitmuck and it’s immediate environs to don a plague mask and long wax-coated robe to ward off the miasma.
Britain City Survey Complete
Our extensive alliance cartography team (that would be me) have completed another city map – that of the glorious Capital City itself. You can find a copy of the city map in our Atlas of the Alliance. Word is they are hard at work on another map as we speak.
Beer, Booze and Stuff at the Soggy Barnacle every sunday evening, 7pm. Come join the fun in Port Baldmor.
WHOEVER STOLE MY CRYSTAL BALL IS GONNA PAY. I MAKE MY LIVING OFF OF THAT PIECE O’ GLASS YOU THIEVING RAT – Salunia the Seer
Gold for Fish. Giant Koi Catch – See the Times. – Ozog
Professors and Lecturers still sought to teach full time or part time at upcoming university. Speak to Ashlynn or Samara for more details.