Pitmuck, Trammel, Chesapeake (PaxLair Times) – May 15, 2012 – by Ozog and Ashlynn – It seems Pitmuck is popular enough to warrant it’s own publication. Hopefully it will consist mostly of stories regarding EARTHQUAKES, TSUNAMIS and other calamities to befall the island of foul creatures. Details of the news below has been provided by Ozog, but the writing is done by yours truly. This is to ensure the content is actually readable.
The Pitmuck Art Faire
A reminder to all our readers that the Pitmuck Art Faire will be taking place this Saturday May 19th. The “doors” open to visitors at 8pm EST (there are no actual doors, such things are a little too sophisticated for goblin-kind) and there will be a darts contest during the evening.
There’s still time to get your own sculpture or painting put on display and those wishing to do so should speak to Ozog before the event.
Tamers Sought for Saturday Evening
Ozog is looking to hire tamers for the events on saturday (may 19th). Those tamers interested should be able to show up at 6pm EST with pets in tow. Ozog has specified any particular pet types so I highly recommend a pack of mongbats, giant toads or something that enjoys feasting upon goblin flesh. It would make for great entertainment!
No details have been given regarding compensation but there is a trough of (polluted) water for your pets to drink from. Anyone who wants to participate will need to speak with Ozog who will no doubt be able to provide more details in a mix of broken-britannian and hand signals.
Mysterious Illness Plagues Goblins
Word has reached me that a large number of the goblin tribe have been struck by a mysterious illness that has rendered most of them incapable of doing much at all. Naturally the goblins consider this a curse but I’m sure most citizens of the realm look at the situation as more of a blessing.
Ozog has laid blame for this illness at the feet of Balandar, Mage of the Royal Court, claiming he has cast some kind of spell upon the town. This is the more likely explanation as I’m sure it has nothing to do with all the poisonous fungal spores an alchemist associate of mine has been scattering across the island.
Symptoms of the illness apparently include aches and pains, nausea, stomach ache, light headedness and extensive sleeping. The illness is not believed to cross the goblin-human species barrier as that would be like a Daffodil catching a cold.
Balandar Pays His Debts
Court Mage Balandar has finally paid his debt to Pitmuck’s resident tinker Mr Grumpy (an accurate name I must add). Balandar delivered the long list of demanded cattle to the island personally, releasing them into the nearby forest. Lady Falbala of Dragons Watch was witness to the payment despite Grumpy not being present and the matter is now considered settled.
New Goblin Dancing Club Opening in PaxOku
Apparently, I’m not completely certain of the facts myself and it could just be a threat for all the human inhabitants. In anycase, I have been told that this goblin club, catering mainly to goblins and humanoids with an illness of the mind will have a number of… dancers on the payroll.
Residents seem non too pleased and the local Ronin Brotherhood at the nearby Dojo has taken particular exception to what they call a “bakemono menace”, sending some of their number into the village to ensure such a thing is never constructed.
Let us hope such threats are deterrent enough!