The Orcish Response To A Travesty
Written by John Duke   
Monday, 02 May 2005

The No Snagas Allowed Orc Meeting

It had been nearly a week since I had written down Ga’kuct’s response to Tancred Redstar’s proposition of peace between the Orcs and the Town of Gyldenfeld, when Te’kug found me, grabbed me by the neck and dragged me to the Warbozz’s office. A message had been received from Tancred, and again my translating services were required, and as the Orc slave, it was my duty, nay, my privilege to do so.

The note had been formally written, with sealed wax and all, it was indeed a note from Tancred Redstar, Mayor of the town of Gyldenfeld, clearly a response to the Orcs demands. In the missive, Tancred agreed to the earlier terms sent by the Orcs, only if the following conditions were met:

  • The town of Gyldenfeld will receive 1,000,000 gold weekly from the Orcs, hand delivered.
  • Each home in Gyldenfeld will receive one Orcish servant to slave, bathe, and work their weasely little arses off.
  • A donation of one major Artifact will be donated per week to the Gyldenfeld armory.
  • All Orcs will wear a required outfit of pink while inside the Gyldenfeld town limits
  • The Orcs will mine the local mountains for 10,000 iron ingots a week to help sustain the town’s economy and craftsman’s trade. The ingots are to be freshly mined and never bought.
  • Finally, all the floors of the Red Wolf Café will require scrubbing, preferably with a toothbrush, but as Orcs, you may not know what one is, so you better find one.

Upon hearing of the notes contents, Ga’kuct did the only reasonable thing; he ripped the message into pieces and threw them into the fire with a quick throwing of ‘defecation’ to seal the deal. He then called Tek to a meeting of Orcish proportions and threw me, their humble servant, over the Orc walls. No snagas allowed I suppose.

I was unable to tell what was being said, the amount of grunts were just undecipherable, but I think it goes without saying, that revenge upon the allies of Gyldenfeld will be swift and merciless. Watch out Gyldenfeld, you’ve been warned!